Why was I ever so stupid? Why did I believe you? Why did I ever trust you when you said, “We can still be friends.” Yeah fucking right. I haven’t seen or talked to you since August. I thought we had something special, I thought you needed me in your life. I was just another piece of ass that you could play for a couple of months then move on to another. I’m so sick of feeling worthless because you don’t want me. I’m so sick of feeling like I’m never going to be good enough for anyone. You lost me, you think you’ve found the woman of your dreams. But just wait, you’ll come back.

They always do. 

I’ve never wanted to cut so much in my life, to feel the cold blade slicing across my thigh, to see the crimson blood drip. I put your name on my wrist today to remind me that I’m not alone, to remind me that you’re looking down on me from heaven. God, I’ve never needed you more than I’ve needed you today. I almost cut, came inches from releasing everything, but I thought of you. I thought about the long talks we had back in 10th grade, how we both promised that no matter what we would try to get better. I think about you a lot, and if anything you are my reason to get better. I know if you were here now you’d kill me for even thinking about cutting. I’ve been clean for almost a month now. I miss you so much girl. Send me a sign, let me know I’m doing something right in my fucked up life.

I want that fairy tale romance, I want to know what it’s like to be perfect in someone’s eyes. To feel beautiful no matter what. To be loved unconditionally. To be held so tight, that there is no doubt in your mind that they will ever let go. To be kissed so tenderly, that it feels as though as million butterflies brushed across your lips. To be everything, or anything in your world would be perfect enough. But instead I’m searching for my prince charming.. My only dream in the world is to live in the moment, and feel time stop, for just a second. 

Because you never will.

HAPPY